- I hate bad service at cafes and restaurants. actually i hate bad service anywhere.
- I do love watches and i have five in deed.
- I'm actually a lazy person, just like most people.
- Every second being with my mother will be a joy to me.
- Talking on the phone with my mother it's like the happiest time of my life.
- I really hate shopping for clothes on Chinese New Year.
- I do not feel like my age, and i surely do not act like my age.
- I love buying present for my family.
- Movies can make me cry sometime'
Monday, June 29, 2009
Random things, habits or goals
So here goes the "ninth random things,habits or goals" about me:
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Box That Killed Air Soled
It's really quite amazing what I can find when I'm roaming the streets of Ipoh looking for plastic bottles and cardboard boxes to recycle for cash. I was rummaging through a large pile of rubbish in the rain when I found a note written on a piece of curry-stained A4 paper. Allow me to present its cryptic contents to you.
To whomever who is unlucky enough to find this,
I beg you to ignore this. It's not as simple as you think. We do not truly know who we are. Would you feel the same if you found a box that could kill all the flies in the world? Well, maybe you would. And that's because you're not a fly. But imagine if a fly found the box. Do you think the fly would press the button? Do you think the fly would still press the button if the fly were aware of the fact that it is a fly? Because once the button is pressed, every single fly in the world will die. And that would include the fly that pressed the button.
That's pretty weird. Maybe it was written by a drug addict. Or one of Dun Wan Lern's friends. For all I know, Dun Wan Lern wrote it. I was about to chuck the note away when I noticed something else. Right beside some empty Guinness Stout bottles was this box that seemed to be calling out to me. It was as if the box was sending a direct signal to my brain. It said: "Hold me, touch me and check me out, bay bee." And so I did. The message was so strong that I simply couldn't resist.
I got hold of the box. It looked just like any other cardboard box. The only obvious difference was that it felt heavier. On the top flap were written the words "Pray Hard If Ye Be An Air Sole" and a large asterisk (*). I haven't the faintest idea what the words meant. Who or what is an AIR SOLE? And that large asterisk --- which looked like a huge star --- made me scratch my head even more. I was stumped. I decided to lift the flap.
Imagine my surprise when I found another box inside the box. And another. And then another. It was ridiculous. There I was, squatting under the pouring rain with this phony Chinese box. If it was a Matryoshka doll, I could've sold it to someone for 20 sen, but nobody wanted a Chinese box made out of cardboard. At that point, all I wanted to do was to stomp on the boxes until they became as flat as roti canai.
And then I saw it.
Right in the middle of the smallest box was this red button that looked like Rudolph's nose, but smaller. It also reminded me of a gorilla's nipple, but smaller. There were some words written above the button but it was too tiny so I pulled out my magnifying glass and held it close to the tiny words. It said: "Prez Da Barten Yeef Yuh Wan 2 Keel All Dee Air Soles In Dis Werld." Needless to say, I was crushed. It was written in Benglish, and I failed my Benglish. All I could make out was "Yuh", which meant "you." I looked up at the sky and screamed at the rain clouds.
"WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEE? WHYYYYYYYYYYY???????? I AM FORTUNE'S FOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Blinded with rage, I flung the box against the wall and walked away from the rubbish dump. Later that night, I was sitting in a mamak stall watching some free tv and drinking an ais kosong when I overheard this conversation between these two rich-looking old geezers who were smoking cigars. When an adorable black and white kitten walked past, one of them intentionally stepped on the poor kitten's tail. As the poor kitten ran away mewling its head off while leaving a trail of cat poo on the five-foot-way, the wicked old men laughed as if they had just won the lottery.
Old Geezer #1: Hey, so did they find the box yet?
Old Geezer #2: Not yet.
Old Geezer #1: That's bad. Very bad.
Old Geezer #2: I know. But what can we do? It has been raining every day.
Old Geezer #1: Do you think we should pay them more?
Old Geezer #2: Aiyah, no point in doing that. They don't like working with rubbish when it's raining. They don't like to get their hands dirty.
Old Geezer #1: Maybe we should find someone else. What do you think?
Old Geezer #2: Who do you have in mind?
Old Geezer #1: Ape Yoghurt.
Old Geezer #2: Isn't she taking her Masters now?
Old Geezer #1: I don't think she has a choice. She owes me a few favours.
Old Geezer #2: Then we'd better get in touch with her ASAP.
Old Geezer #1: I'll call Monkey Butt.
Old Geezer #2: And don't forget Sam Seng.
Old Geezer #1: That Doctor Cess was a real fool. I mean how could he not know that he himself was an air sole?
Old Geezer #2: Yeah, he should've consulted us before he pressed the bloody button. If he had done that, he would be here with us tonight, smoking a fine Monte Cristo while drinking a hot glass of teh tarik halia and farting non-stop.
Old Geezer #1: It would've saved us a lot of trouble too. And now the box is lying somewhere while air soles continue to be born every minute. We must find the box ASAP and rid the world of air soles, once and for all.
.................................................................................
I had an epiphany, and finally understood everything. As I walked up to them, the two old geezers instinctively shrank away from me. After all, I smelled like all the baths that I hadn't taken for two months. I slowly raised my right hand, pointed at them both and said, "THE BOTH OF YOU ARE AIR SOLES. WHEN THEY FIND THE BOX, YOU'RE THE NEXT IN LINE TO GO." Then I laughed, the way I haven't laughed, for a very long time.
To whomever who is unlucky enough to find this,
I beg you to ignore this. It's not as simple as you think. We do not truly know who we are. Would you feel the same if you found a box that could kill all the flies in the world? Well, maybe you would. And that's because you're not a fly. But imagine if a fly found the box. Do you think the fly would press the button? Do you think the fly would still press the button if the fly were aware of the fact that it is a fly? Because once the button is pressed, every single fly in the world will die. And that would include the fly that pressed the button.
That's pretty weird. Maybe it was written by a drug addict. Or one of Dun Wan Lern's friends. For all I know, Dun Wan Lern wrote it. I was about to chuck the note away when I noticed something else. Right beside some empty Guinness Stout bottles was this box that seemed to be calling out to me. It was as if the box was sending a direct signal to my brain. It said: "Hold me, touch me and check me out, bay bee." And so I did. The message was so strong that I simply couldn't resist.
I got hold of the box. It looked just like any other cardboard box. The only obvious difference was that it felt heavier. On the top flap were written the words "Pray Hard If Ye Be An Air Sole" and a large asterisk (*). I haven't the faintest idea what the words meant. Who or what is an AIR SOLE? And that large asterisk --- which looked like a huge star --- made me scratch my head even more. I was stumped. I decided to lift the flap.
Imagine my surprise when I found another box inside the box. And another. And then another. It was ridiculous. There I was, squatting under the pouring rain with this phony Chinese box. If it was a Matryoshka doll, I could've sold it to someone for 20 sen, but nobody wanted a Chinese box made out of cardboard. At that point, all I wanted to do was to stomp on the boxes until they became as flat as roti canai.
And then I saw it.
Right in the middle of the smallest box was this red button that looked like Rudolph's nose, but smaller. It also reminded me of a gorilla's nipple, but smaller. There were some words written above the button but it was too tiny so I pulled out my magnifying glass and held it close to the tiny words. It said: "Prez Da Barten Yeef Yuh Wan 2 Keel All Dee Air Soles In Dis Werld." Needless to say, I was crushed. It was written in Benglish, and I failed my Benglish. All I could make out was "Yuh", which meant "you." I looked up at the sky and screamed at the rain clouds.
"WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEE? WHYYYYYYYYYYY???????? I AM FORTUNE'S FOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Blinded with rage, I flung the box against the wall and walked away from the rubbish dump. Later that night, I was sitting in a mamak stall watching some free tv and drinking an ais kosong when I overheard this conversation between these two rich-looking old geezers who were smoking cigars. When an adorable black and white kitten walked past, one of them intentionally stepped on the poor kitten's tail. As the poor kitten ran away mewling its head off while leaving a trail of cat poo on the five-foot-way, the wicked old men laughed as if they had just won the lottery.
Old Geezer #1: Hey, so did they find the box yet?
Old Geezer #2: Not yet.
Old Geezer #1: That's bad. Very bad.
Old Geezer #2: I know. But what can we do? It has been raining every day.
Old Geezer #1: Do you think we should pay them more?
Old Geezer #2: Aiyah, no point in doing that. They don't like working with rubbish when it's raining. They don't like to get their hands dirty.
Old Geezer #1: Maybe we should find someone else. What do you think?
Old Geezer #2: Who do you have in mind?
Old Geezer #1: Ape Yoghurt.
Old Geezer #2: Isn't she taking her Masters now?
Old Geezer #1: I don't think she has a choice. She owes me a few favours.
Old Geezer #2: Then we'd better get in touch with her ASAP.
Old Geezer #1: I'll call Monkey Butt.
Old Geezer #2: And don't forget Sam Seng.
Old Geezer #1: That Doctor Cess was a real fool. I mean how could he not know that he himself was an air sole?
Old Geezer #2: Yeah, he should've consulted us before he pressed the bloody button. If he had done that, he would be here with us tonight, smoking a fine Monte Cristo while drinking a hot glass of teh tarik halia and farting non-stop.
Old Geezer #1: It would've saved us a lot of trouble too. And now the box is lying somewhere while air soles continue to be born every minute. We must find the box ASAP and rid the world of air soles, once and for all.
.................................................................................
I had an epiphany, and finally understood everything. As I walked up to them, the two old geezers instinctively shrank away from me. After all, I smelled like all the baths that I hadn't taken for two months. I slowly raised my right hand, pointed at them both and said, "THE BOTH OF YOU ARE AIR SOLES. WHEN THEY FIND THE BOX, YOU'RE THE NEXT IN LINE TO GO." Then I laughed, the way I haven't laughed, for a very long time.
Something New for Dun Wan Lern
This is an actual newspaper cutting from The Star:
(Click on the image for a larger view if your eyes are too small)
The plot thickens...
(Click on the image for a larger view if your eyes are too small)
The plot thickens...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
A Volent Moral Tale
One day, Arun was on his way home from school when he saw his schoolmate, Hamid, cycling with some friends. Hamid was a rather notorious character in school and was a source of terror for his smaller, weaker schoolmates because he loved bullying them, especially by robbing them of their lunch money and pouring hot curry into their underwear. The truth was, Arun was one of Hamid's regular victims. Just the day before, Hamid tied Arun's shoelaces together. Needless to say, Arun fell flat on his face when he stood up and started to walk. So it was everybody's guess that Arun wanted nothing more than to see Hamid get his just desserts.
As Hamid and his ruffian friends cycled past, Arun overheard Hamid challenging his friends to a race. Before his friends could react, Hamid started pedalling like a crazy mouse on a wheel. He shot ahead and disappeared into a corner before his friends could utter, "3825, that was fast!"
After Hamid turned a sharp corner, he stopped his bicycle in the middle of the road and turned around to see if his friends were catching up. When he saw that they were still lagging way behind, he tilted his head back and laughed at the sky thinking, "There's no way you fools will ever catch up!"
Just then, a red, shiny Porsche appeared behind Hamid, who was still laughing out loud to himself. The sports car tooted its horn, but it was too late. The German-made performance vehicle knocked Hamid down and hence, poor Hamid was toast. He became trapped under the car and was dragged for several metres before the driver finally stopped his car, leaving a glistening trail of scarlet on the road.
Arun saw everything. Hamid's friends ran over to his aid, but to be honest, there was nothing much that they could do. After all, several feet of Hamid's intestines were all over the road. Arun thought he saw his pancreas too but he wasn't sure. "I think I'd better do some revision on my Science tonight," he thought to himself.
After waiting for several minutes, Arun finally made his way to a nearby telephone booth to call an ambulance. Then he took his sweet time walking over to where the dying Hamid lay, surrounded by his friends who were vomiting everywhere. As Arun got closer, he thought he could detect a faint smell of shit in the air. This was confirmed when he saw Hamid soiling himself uncontrollably.
Thirty minutes later, an ambulance arrived. When the ambulance driver saw Hamid lying in a pool of his own blood, urine and faeces, he muttered, "Guys, for this kind of job, you don't need an ambulance. You call a hearse!"
"Please la uncle, he's our friend!" *vomits*
"But he's almost gone! Furthermore, my ambulance will stink!" *belches*
"Please la uncle, have a heart!" *vomits*
"Okay okay, let me cover the ambulance with some plastic sheets first." *farts*
Minutes later, they bundled Hamid into the back of the ambulance. As they were about to drive off, Arun noticed that they had left several pieces of Hamid's brain behind.
"Hey! You forgot these!"
So kids, the moral of this story is: Don't cycle around like you own the road. Always be careful and keep your eyes open for any incoming vehicles. If you don't, you are toast.
As Hamid and his ruffian friends cycled past, Arun overheard Hamid challenging his friends to a race. Before his friends could react, Hamid started pedalling like a crazy mouse on a wheel. He shot ahead and disappeared into a corner before his friends could utter, "3825, that was fast!"
After Hamid turned a sharp corner, he stopped his bicycle in the middle of the road and turned around to see if his friends were catching up. When he saw that they were still lagging way behind, he tilted his head back and laughed at the sky thinking, "There's no way you fools will ever catch up!"
Just then, a red, shiny Porsche appeared behind Hamid, who was still laughing out loud to himself. The sports car tooted its horn, but it was too late. The German-made performance vehicle knocked Hamid down and hence, poor Hamid was toast. He became trapped under the car and was dragged for several metres before the driver finally stopped his car, leaving a glistening trail of scarlet on the road.
Arun saw everything. Hamid's friends ran over to his aid, but to be honest, there was nothing much that they could do. After all, several feet of Hamid's intestines were all over the road. Arun thought he saw his pancreas too but he wasn't sure. "I think I'd better do some revision on my Science tonight," he thought to himself.
After waiting for several minutes, Arun finally made his way to a nearby telephone booth to call an ambulance. Then he took his sweet time walking over to where the dying Hamid lay, surrounded by his friends who were vomiting everywhere. As Arun got closer, he thought he could detect a faint smell of shit in the air. This was confirmed when he saw Hamid soiling himself uncontrollably.
Thirty minutes later, an ambulance arrived. When the ambulance driver saw Hamid lying in a pool of his own blood, urine and faeces, he muttered, "Guys, for this kind of job, you don't need an ambulance. You call a hearse!"
"Please la uncle, he's our friend!" *vomits*
"But he's almost gone! Furthermore, my ambulance will stink!" *belches*
"Please la uncle, have a heart!" *vomits*
"Okay okay, let me cover the ambulance with some plastic sheets first." *farts*
Minutes later, they bundled Hamid into the back of the ambulance. As they were about to drive off, Arun noticed that they had left several pieces of Hamid's brain behind.
"Hey! You forgot these!"
So kids, the moral of this story is: Don't cycle around like you own the road. Always be careful and keep your eyes open for any incoming vehicles. If you don't, you are toast.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Keseronokan Translasi (Maaf, Bahasa Malaysia Aku Menghisap)
I must've been tired, because when I sat down at the mamak stall after my class ended, I looked at the menu and saw Minu Man, instead of minuman. Now that's an idea for another one of my comic series: The Misadventures of Minu Man. Then this got me thinking about how funny it is whenever you translate an English proper noun into Bahasa Malaysia. For instance, My Mind Is A Stinking Camera becomes Minda Aku Adalah Satu Kamera Yang Berbau Busuk. To prove my point further, allow me to demonstrate with the following translations:
1. The Chemical Brothers ---> Adik-Beradik Kimia
2. Spice Girls ---> Perempuan-Perempuan Rempah
3. Pet Shop Boys ---> Budak-Budak Kedai Binatang Kesayangan
4. Radiohead ---> Kepala Radio
5. Coldplay ---> Mainsejuk
6. Bent ---> Bengkok
7. Buena Vista Social Club ---> Kelab Sosial Buena Vista
8. Everything But The Girl ---> Semua Benda Kecuali Perempuan Itu
9. Johnny Cash ---> Johnny Tunai
10. Kaiser Chiefs ---> Penghulu-Penghulu Kaiser
11. The White Stripes ---> Belang Putih
12. Britney Spears ---> Britney Lembing
13. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ---> Charlie dan Kilang Coklat
14. Mission Impossible ---> Misi Yang Tidak Mungkin
15. Die Hard 4.0 ---> Mati Keras Empat Perpuluhan Kosong
16. Ghost Rider ---> Penunggang Hantu
17. Fantastic Four ---> Empat Yang Hebat
18. Mr Bean ---> Encik Benih
19. Spiderman ---> Orang Labah-Labah
20. I Know What You Did Last Summer ---> Aku Tahu Apa Yang Kamu Buat Musim Panas Yang Lalu
Now, I encourage you to come up with some of your own translations. It's a good way to practise your language skills. Who knows, you might even end up being a translator in the future, and in case you didn't know, translators make big bucks. This way, you don't have to end up as a part-time rubbishman/plastic bottle scavenger like me. : )
1. The Chemical Brothers ---> Adik-Beradik Kimia
2. Spice Girls ---> Perempuan-Perempuan Rempah
3. Pet Shop Boys ---> Budak-Budak Kedai Binatang Kesayangan
4. Radiohead ---> Kepala Radio
5. Coldplay ---> Mainsejuk
6. Bent ---> Bengkok
7. Buena Vista Social Club ---> Kelab Sosial Buena Vista
8. Everything But The Girl ---> Semua Benda Kecuali Perempuan Itu
9. Johnny Cash ---> Johnny Tunai
10. Kaiser Chiefs ---> Penghulu-Penghulu Kaiser
11. The White Stripes ---> Belang Putih
12. Britney Spears ---> Britney Lembing
13. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ---> Charlie dan Kilang Coklat
14. Mission Impossible ---> Misi Yang Tidak Mungkin
15. Die Hard 4.0 ---> Mati Keras Empat Perpuluhan Kosong
16. Ghost Rider ---> Penunggang Hantu
17. Fantastic Four ---> Empat Yang Hebat
18. Mr Bean ---> Encik Benih
19. Spiderman ---> Orang Labah-Labah
20. I Know What You Did Last Summer ---> Aku Tahu Apa Yang Kamu Buat Musim Panas Yang Lalu
Now, I encourage you to come up with some of your own translations. It's a good way to practise your language skills. Who knows, you might even end up being a translator in the future, and in case you didn't know, translators make big bucks. This way, you don't have to end up as a part-time rubbishman/plastic bottle scavenger like me. : )
Yummy Right?
I don't know about you, but all these talk about food has gotten me real hungry. So, bon appetit!
4 comments
4 comments
Other Words to Describe a Homeless Person Beside ''Beggar''
Kids, did you know that there are many other words which are used to describe a homeless person? For instance, you can use vagabond, tramp, vagrant, beggar, bum, derelict, mendicant or panhandler besides the generic "beggar."
Never Judge A Man By The Vehicle That He Operates
Part One
One day, Johan and his family were travelling to his cousin's house to attend a wedding. On the way, they overtook a bullock cart. As they were passing, Johan and his sister made faces at the man on the bullock cart. However, the man did not become livid nor did he shake his fist at them in damning anger. Instead, he smiled and flashed his wicked grill at them.
All of a sudden, Johan and his family heard a loud bang.
"Who farted?!" Johan's father exclaimed.
Everyone stayed silent and pretended to be enjoying the scenery.
"POPFFFFFFFFFFF!"
"Who---" Before Johan's father could finish the sentence, he panicked and lost control of their Proton Persona.
"3825!!! We're all going to DIEEEEEEEEE...!!!" they yelled in unison.
Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Johan's mother only cracked her head on the windscreen and his father vomited blood when the steering punched into his belly while one of Johan's sister's eardrums was punctured by a flying pencil. Miraculously, Johan was the only one who escaped with barely a scratch. Only a small piece of his tahi hidung (booger) flew out when his father crashed into a ditch. Minutes later, everyone staggered out of the car like zombies. Needless to say, they were very disappointed to see that one of the car tyres was punctured. Johan turned to his sister with an accusing finger.
"See, I told you not to throw those 3825ers out of the window. Look what you have done, you nitwit!"
"Huh?? Huh??? Huh???? What did you say?? What???"
"Never mind."
To continue the journey, they must replace the tyre. However, when Johan's father opened the car boot, everyone was disappointed to see that he had forgotten to bring the necessary tools.
"3825!!!" he muttered under his breath before vomiting the rest of his lunch onto his shoes.
Given the situation, they had no choice but to wait for help.
........................
Part Two
Several minutes later, the bullock cart finally caught up with Johan's family. When the man offered them a ride, they immediately accepted. Johan and his sister were not ashamed that they had made faces at the man earlier. In fact, they wished they had thrown some rotten vegetables at him. His body odour was so overpowering that Johan started hallucinating...
The hot afternoon soon gave way to a cloudy evening, and soon, night was approaching. Everyone else was asleep except for Johan, the man and the two cows. As the bullock cart took its sweet time taking them towards wherever it was taking them, Johan observed the back of the man's head. Something did not seem right about the shape of the man's head. It was too round, and the hair was too slick and shiny.
"Oi!" Johan shouted insolently.
The man did not turn around. Instead, he just kept on doing what he was doing. Being a wannabe samseng, Johan did not like to be ignored. So he tried again, with more force in his voice this time.
"OI APEK!!!"
But the man did not turn around. He just kept on driving the bullock cart. Johan was getting rather incensed at this point and was about to get up when he realised for the first time that he was alone in the bullock cart. As he wondered where his parents and sister had gone, the bullock cart stopped. Johan felt his insides turn into water. The silence of the night was broken only by the shameful sounds of his watery farts. He was, literally, shitting his pants.
The man slowly turned his head to face Johan. Johan tried to scream but no sound issued from the hole that was his mouth. See, while the man was turning his head, only his head was turning. His body remained in the same position. A witty thought came into Johan's mind but he had trouble enunciating the words. He wanted to say, "That's some amazing special FX," but what came out was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
..............................
Part Three
Johan awoke with a start. He soon realised that it was merely a bad dream. He was rubbing his eyes when he realised that they were passing a cemetery. He thought this was fascinating and was about to wake his sister up when he noticed that there were two tiny holes in her neck. Two drops of blood trickled silently from them as she stirred in her sleep and made some yum-yum sounds. Something is not right, Johan thought to himself. I think I will go back to sleep.
Part One
One day, Johan and his family were travelling to his cousin's house to attend a wedding. On the way, they overtook a bullock cart. As they were passing, Johan and his sister made faces at the man on the bullock cart. However, the man did not become livid nor did he shake his fist at them in damning anger. Instead, he smiled and flashed his wicked grill at them.
All of a sudden, Johan and his family heard a loud bang.
"Who farted?!" Johan's father exclaimed.
Everyone stayed silent and pretended to be enjoying the scenery.
"POPFFFFFFFFFFF!"
"Who---" Before Johan's father could finish the sentence, he panicked and lost control of their Proton Persona.
"3825!!! We're all going to DIEEEEEEEEE...!!!" they yelled in unison.
Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Johan's mother only cracked her head on the windscreen and his father vomited blood when the steering punched into his belly while one of Johan's sister's eardrums was punctured by a flying pencil. Miraculously, Johan was the only one who escaped with barely a scratch. Only a small piece of his tahi hidung (booger) flew out when his father crashed into a ditch. Minutes later, everyone staggered out of the car like zombies. Needless to say, they were very disappointed to see that one of the car tyres was punctured. Johan turned to his sister with an accusing finger.
"See, I told you not to throw those 3825ers out of the window. Look what you have done, you nitwit!"
"Huh?? Huh??? Huh???? What did you say?? What???"
"Never mind."
To continue the journey, they must replace the tyre. However, when Johan's father opened the car boot, everyone was disappointed to see that he had forgotten to bring the necessary tools.
"3825!!!" he muttered under his breath before vomiting the rest of his lunch onto his shoes.
Given the situation, they had no choice but to wait for help.
........................
Part Two
Several minutes later, the bullock cart finally caught up with Johan's family. When the man offered them a ride, they immediately accepted. Johan and his sister were not ashamed that they had made faces at the man earlier. In fact, they wished they had thrown some rotten vegetables at him. His body odour was so overpowering that Johan started hallucinating...
The hot afternoon soon gave way to a cloudy evening, and soon, night was approaching. Everyone else was asleep except for Johan, the man and the two cows. As the bullock cart took its sweet time taking them towards wherever it was taking them, Johan observed the back of the man's head. Something did not seem right about the shape of the man's head. It was too round, and the hair was too slick and shiny.
"Oi!" Johan shouted insolently.
The man did not turn around. Instead, he just kept on doing what he was doing. Being a wannabe samseng, Johan did not like to be ignored. So he tried again, with more force in his voice this time.
"OI APEK!!!"
But the man did not turn around. He just kept on driving the bullock cart. Johan was getting rather incensed at this point and was about to get up when he realised for the first time that he was alone in the bullock cart. As he wondered where his parents and sister had gone, the bullock cart stopped. Johan felt his insides turn into water. The silence of the night was broken only by the shameful sounds of his watery farts. He was, literally, shitting his pants.
The man slowly turned his head to face Johan. Johan tried to scream but no sound issued from the hole that was his mouth. See, while the man was turning his head, only his head was turning. His body remained in the same position. A witty thought came into Johan's mind but he had trouble enunciating the words. He wanted to say, "That's some amazing special FX," but what came out was: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
..............................
Part Three
Johan awoke with a start. He soon realised that it was merely a bad dream. He was rubbing his eyes when he realised that they were passing a cemetery. He thought this was fascinating and was about to wake his sister up when he noticed that there were two tiny holes in her neck. Two drops of blood trickled silently from them as she stirred in her sleep and made some yum-yum sounds. Something is not right, Johan thought to himself. I think I will go back to sleep.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
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